Day 4

4.17pm Today I decided to sleep a bit longer and didn't make it to the 10am class. So I'm going to the 5pm one instead.

Yesterday my partner got back after 11pm as if nothing has happened and everything was normal. This morning he was nice to me, affectionate, but that lasted only for an hour or so. Then his other self took over and he even threw an Ikea lamp on the floor out of the frustration.

My mind is surprisingly peaceful, I feel sad over all, on the edge of tears, but I manage to contain them, which is a big achievement for me. I guess, I feel lonely. Very lonely.

9.59pm I found the class really hard today. Felt light headed and had to sit down quite often. I still feel as if I was high on drugs.

Tried to talk to my partner in the evening, to find out what's going on, I could see that he wanted to say something, but he wouldn't. I'll let him be. He'll say something when he feels like talking. I love him, love him so much, and I want to work on our relationship more than anything in the world, unfortunately, he doesn't feel this way, and I'm not sure if there's anything I can do about it. I want to scream.