Day 1

The day I'm supposed to start it. I still haven't made up my mind whether to do the 60 or the 30 day challenge. I usually look down on the Westerners stealing ideas from the East and "adapting" them to this fast pace culture. So I'm more inclined in committing to the whole 60 days. On the other hand, 60 days seems like an eternity and I cannot possibly believe that I'm going to complete it.

I woke up at 7am, my mind and body are already resisting and saying "This is BS", "This is ridiculous". So I started this blog. Perhaps if I "officially" announce it to the world I will not back away.

I'm doing one step at a time- the first goal is 30 days. If that's ever achieved I can start thinking about 60 days.

It's 8.05am. The class is at 10am. My inspiration and motivation is not here. I don't want to do it. I'm getting angry. I blame everybody for my "unhappiness". I hate people. I'm judging.
 
12.22pm  So I dragged myself to the yoga studio, at some point on my way there my mind became numb and I just submitted to the challenge. Went in, signed up for the whole month, got congratulated for doing so, was told to eat more bananas (because they contain a lot of potassium, and your body loses potassium with the sweat) and off I went into the room. And the room wasn't 110 degrees, only about 90-95 I'd say. And only six people in the class, instead of the usual 20-30. It was the most amazing practice I've ever had. It was hot enough to leak it all out and sweat my ass off, but not too hot to feel like a chicken roasting in the oven. I didn't feel dizzy, I was HAPPY doing the asanas and I didn't want it to end.

Now, back at home, after a shower and a Japanese roll, I feel light (emotionally and physically) and will try my best to make it to a 10am practice every morning for the next 30 (or 60) days.

17.47pm I feel a bit sore, but happy that I have something to look forward to tomorrow in the morning, and the morning after and so on. I am realizing that I'm doing this to engage my mind with something positive, because at home there's been so much negativity in the air lately. The man that I love is turning into an angry, grumpy stranger, it's breaking my heart and yet I feel totally helpless, because I cannot change him. He is what he chooses to be, what he wants to be. If he decides not to appreciate me, not to respect me, there's nothing I can do to change that. I can only hurt. So I chose Bikram as a self-help discipline, to guide me and help me understand where it is that I should go, since I'm being told that most probably I do not belong at the place I have begun to call home. Right now I feel really sad.

10.03pm Hope Bikram is a medicine for depression. I feel sad.