Day 8

I'd stopped blogging. I forgot why I started it all at first place. I guess I imagined that there will be readers. Just like in "Julie and Julia". I'd start getting comments, etc. So... I needed attention. Wanted to be special. But what else is knew? :) The truth is that nowadays there are tons of people blogging about the same subject and nobody gives a damn about it. So if you're out there reading this, it is OK to leave a comment or two, to let ME know you're there. :P :)

I want to start another blog. This time without letting anyone know who I am or what's my name. But I need to figure out how to "advertise" in order to get people interested ( I know I know.. the blog ITSELF has to be interesting, but beyond that). I want to write about more personal issues, touch upon intimate subjects. I guess I value my privacy too much to make this my public thought chamber. So I'd rather start another blog incognito.

As far as my Bikram challenge is concerned, today was my 8th Day and I feel great. My weight is doing something funny, one day I'm 5 pounds lighter, the other 5 pounds heavier. I know it's all the liquids I put in and then sweat it all out that causes this imbalance. Other than that, I discovered a few interesting things:
- when you are going through something really difficult (mental or physical) just smile. It doesn't have to be a real organic smile, but make your face smile: your brain will register it as a gesture of joy and happiness and your body will feel happy too! And if you sign a lot, or moan, or whatever else, your body will respond to it and be tired, and unhappy along with you. Trust me, it works!
- in between the asanas, find that moment of stillness, and BREATHE. OMG - BREATHE! Long breaths will not cause the fatigue, dizziness and all the other stuff that people are constantly complaining about.
- during the asanas - BREATHE. Can't stress it enough! It took me more than a week of every day yoga to figure it out for myself - the breath is what makes it all flow, what makes it light and enjoyable.
It's so simple, yet, we constantly forget to breathe properly. When you first do yoga your brain receives too much new information and cannot take it all in, so it panics. Therefore, you MUST do more than one or two or even three classes before you say "oh, I hate it" or "this is not for me".
- take small sips of water. I bought an aluminum water bottle that has this special lid allowing you to take only small sips. Today I was less tired, because instead of the big gulps I used to drink during the class I only sipped the water and my body didn't have to waste any energy on dealing with all water access.
-my food cravings have gone away and especially my cravings for sugar. I've never imagined that one can NOT want chocolate at any given moment. And now I don't!
- TBC...

My inner self is good. I feel more grounded. My partner is in an out of his moods. Been better lately, but I keep reminding myself not to overjoy too much because the clouds will appear prior to me uttering "I'm happy". Very pessimistic, you think? Well, I'd say, realistic. So there you go.

Today is our 6 month wedding anniversary. Of course, he didn't remember it. And so instead of feeling sorry for myself, I told him that he forgot about it and that I didn't expect him to remember it anyway. We kissed and we laughed, and there was no drama about it. I'm surprised I don't want to cry and I'm surprised I am ABLE to view it in such a simple way. Life's simple, you just have to find that simple balance in it.....  ?

Days 5-7

Day 5 & 6 were very good. On Day 5 I felt so lightheaded in the morning that I even asked the teacher if I should be taking a class or a day off. She said she would take the class if she was me, but that only I know what's good for me (precious words!!). So I decided to do it and - surprise! I didn't have to sit down even once!! It was the easiest class ever and I wasn't even tired at the end.
Day 6 was similar. Yoga is becoming very enjoyable!! and bearable!!

On Day 7 I had to work all day and then had a seminar to go to, so had to miss yoga. Which means one day I'll have to do 2 classes. OMG :)

Day 4

4.17pm Today I decided to sleep a bit longer and didn't make it to the 10am class. So I'm going to the 5pm one instead.

Yesterday my partner got back after 11pm as if nothing has happened and everything was normal. This morning he was nice to me, affectionate, but that lasted only for an hour or so. Then his other self took over and he even threw an Ikea lamp on the floor out of the frustration.

My mind is surprisingly peaceful, I feel sad over all, on the edge of tears, but I manage to contain them, which is a big achievement for me. I guess, I feel lonely. Very lonely.

9.59pm I found the class really hard today. Felt light headed and had to sit down quite often. I still feel as if I was high on drugs.

Tried to talk to my partner in the evening, to find out what's going on, I could see that he wanted to say something, but he wouldn't. I'll let him be. He'll say something when he feels like talking. I love him, love him so much, and I want to work on our relationship more than anything in the world, unfortunately, he doesn't feel this way, and I'm not sure if there's anything I can do about it. I want to scream.

Day 3

7.20pm Today went really well. It was hot, but I stuck with it. Felt really proud. I'm beginning to learn how to focus and enjoy the moments of stillness.

Situation at home is unknown at the moment. My partner left early in the morning to spend a day "shooting" with some model in NJ and he's still "shooting" with her. I have to say that yoga does calm my mind, but some things cannot be pushed. Anxiety is taking over. Not sure how to distract myself. Bad thoughts are creeping into my head.

10.30pm He's still "shooting".

Day 2

This morning I woke up at 8.30am. Something in my lower back hurts, not sure if it's the muscles or the kidneys or something else. I'm hoping that the heat will help it loosen up, but I have to be careful not to overdo it today.

Yet again I feel like I want to give it all up, that it's ridiculous and too hard to keep up with. Oh, and it looks like it's raining outside. Arghh....

8.20pm Just now I decided to commit to the original 60 day challenge instead of the Western 30 days. I'm only on my second day, but I'm determined to stick to it.

The class today wasn't easy, I found it hard to fully focus, and would hold the poses for about 50 secs instead of the whole minute. My back is better. I think all those muscles that were sleeping are slowly waking up.

Emotionally I feel great. Very calm and peaceful. My partner's sudden mood changes, grumpiness and rude behavior still makes me sad, but instead of crying for hours like I used to, I only shed a few tears here and there.

Some silly online fashion magazine just emailed me, saying they want to do a 2 page spread about me. Hurray!!! :)

Day 1

The day I'm supposed to start it. I still haven't made up my mind whether to do the 60 or the 30 day challenge. I usually look down on the Westerners stealing ideas from the East and "adapting" them to this fast pace culture. So I'm more inclined in committing to the whole 60 days. On the other hand, 60 days seems like an eternity and I cannot possibly believe that I'm going to complete it.

I woke up at 7am, my mind and body are already resisting and saying "This is BS", "This is ridiculous". So I started this blog. Perhaps if I "officially" announce it to the world I will not back away.

I'm doing one step at a time- the first goal is 30 days. If that's ever achieved I can start thinking about 60 days.

It's 8.05am. The class is at 10am. My inspiration and motivation is not here. I don't want to do it. I'm getting angry. I blame everybody for my "unhappiness". I hate people. I'm judging.
 
12.22pm  So I dragged myself to the yoga studio, at some point on my way there my mind became numb and I just submitted to the challenge. Went in, signed up for the whole month, got congratulated for doing so, was told to eat more bananas (because they contain a lot of potassium, and your body loses potassium with the sweat) and off I went into the room. And the room wasn't 110 degrees, only about 90-95 I'd say. And only six people in the class, instead of the usual 20-30. It was the most amazing practice I've ever had. It was hot enough to leak it all out and sweat my ass off, but not too hot to feel like a chicken roasting in the oven. I didn't feel dizzy, I was HAPPY doing the asanas and I didn't want it to end.

Now, back at home, after a shower and a Japanese roll, I feel light (emotionally and physically) and will try my best to make it to a 10am practice every morning for the next 30 (or 60) days.

17.47pm I feel a bit sore, but happy that I have something to look forward to tomorrow in the morning, and the morning after and so on. I am realizing that I'm doing this to engage my mind with something positive, because at home there's been so much negativity in the air lately. The man that I love is turning into an angry, grumpy stranger, it's breaking my heart and yet I feel totally helpless, because I cannot change him. He is what he chooses to be, what he wants to be. If he decides not to appreciate me, not to respect me, there's nothing I can do to change that. I can only hurt. So I chose Bikram as a self-help discipline, to guide me and help me understand where it is that I should go, since I'm being told that most probably I do not belong at the place I have begun to call home. Right now I feel really sad.

10.03pm Hope Bikram is a medicine for depression. I feel sad.

Introduction and About Bikram Yoga

“Give me 60 days and I'll change your life.” -Bikram Choudhury

I've been thinking about doing the challenge for quite some time now. Then two days ago I saw "Julie and Julia" and it inspired me to finally take the challenge and to blog it all. I got back home from the movie, googled "Bikram challenge blog" and suprise!- there's tons of blogs of the kind. And people are actually bothered in meticulously describing every single posture on every single day and their experience of it. Is anyone reading that? Every day?

So I promised to keep it all short and sweet and to focus more on a psychological side of the challenge. I'm not only interested in what it does to your body, but most and foremost - how it affects your mind and on a daily basis. I still doubt I'll have enough time to do all the necessary classes in this short period of time, life in NYC is hectic!

At the moment of typing this, I believe that I'm doing this to escape my personal problems (and to learn how to deal with them), to lose weight / to tone up and most probably to be special to myself and others by completing this hard challenge(that's my narcissistic side speaking).

So here's some info about Bikram:

Bikram Challenge - to take 60 classes in 60 days.
The Western world has "amended" the challenge and made it into a "30 classes in 30 days" challenge.

Bikram is a series of yoga poses done in a heated room, which is usually maintained at a temperature of 110 degrees Fahrenheit (approximately 43 degrees Celsius). Yoga at this temperature promotes profuse sweating, which is believed to help rid the body of toxins. It also keeps the body very warm, and therefore more flexible.

Bikram yoga works toward wellness, restoration and rejuvenation. The heated studio facilitates deeper stretching, prevents injury, and relieves stress and tension. Bikram yoga was designed to systematically stimulate and restore health to every muscle, joint and organ of the body. Participants are guided through a series of 26 postures during which the heart, lungs, circulation, muscles, brain activity and mental capacity are all affected. There are two descriptions of the 26 exercises and they are asanas (postures) and pranayama (breathing exercises). Both of these rely on each other to deliver positive results. According to Bikram, many people only use up to 50 percent of their lung capacity, and just like any muscle, the lungs must be stretched in order to (through practice) withstand holding more oxygen. When one is practicing the pranayama s/he will eventually be able to enhance oxygen conversion and absorption, as well as improve blood circulation.

It is common for beginners to experience dizziness and nausea. Beginners may feel faint or pass out. It is encouraged to take breaks as needed if a participant is feeling lightheaded.

According to Choudrey: Blood circulation is affected immensely during Bikram Yoga, because of two processes called Extension and Compression. These two dynamics are said to work together to deliver fresh oxygen to every joint, muscle, and organ within the human body. While performing a specific asana, the body is stretching or compressing a certain part of the body; thus, cutting off circulation temporarily. This restriction of circulation causes the heart to pump more blood in reaction to the shortage. The pumping of excess, fresh blood is called extension. Once the asana is complete, and the individual comes out of the posture, then the new oxygenated blood is able to rejuvenate the arteries that were being compressed. It is said that because of the volume change and influx of fresh blood, any infection, bacteria, or toxin can be released.